Speak/fear

Idya once said, "Everyone who does public speaking wows the shit out of me." I never really thought about that until now. I am majoring International Relation at Parahyangan University. As the students of International Relation, there's an unwritten law that we should do good at speaking (at least that's what I thought). The problem issssss, speaking is not my thing and it just scares the hell out of me. Really! Easy to say that we should practice but when it comes to reality, all the practice we've done seems to disappear at once. I've had one tough test that told me to do speaking in public. That test was being Chief of Italian Delegation at Gintre last October. Fyi, Gintre is an annual event held by my faculty and it's like a simulation of United Nations' General Assembly. I was scared to death when I was speaking to other 200 students of International Relation. Seeing those eyes staring at me totally freaked me out. Good thing I didn't mumble but if you were there and paid attention while I was speaking, my voice trembled hahaha. In the seventh semester, we have this thing, Gintre-like, called Prakdip (Diplomacy in Practice) and it's done in English, folks! (Gintre is done in Indonesian language). How am I supposed to do that when I still slur while speaking my mother tounge?

I remember what my teacher asked when I was taking a course in ILP years ago. He asked, "What's the hardest part of learning English?"
"Listening, sir," I replied.
He asked one more, "Are you sure it's not speaking?"
"No, sir," I replied.
Sure thing it was hard at that time. But as the time goes by, I begin to realise that speaking is the hardest part. I can train my eyes and ears by watching movies with English subtitle. I can write well in English, I guess lol. Speaking? Whom can I talk to? Everyone in my house speaks Indonesian. My friends... well it's not like we talk in English everytime, right? And to add note, I really am afraid to speak.. and make mistake. Seriously. Same thing goes for other foreign languages I've learned, like French and German.

I read somewhere in one interview, Brandon Boyd claimed that he, too, is afraid to speak in front of large audiences. He then said, "(...) the best way to handle fear is to treat it like the attacking bear: Stand and face it." Woooww.. that's just wow! I mean, he's afraid to speak in front of people yet he's a frontman of a well-known band. He'd overcome his fear by doing so. Oh how I wish I could just do the same thing but I think I'm scared too much. Or maybe I'm over-thinking it too much. Or instead of facing the attacking bear, I've been busy playing dead so the bear won't attack. But it came to me again; then what's the use of mouth if it's not for speaking? still, I'm too afraid to try.. Bog. Aidez-moi.